Gut instinct, sixth sense, intuition, a hunch\u2026 we all have it. Honing it is another story. For me, this has been many years in the making, through encounters with thousands of people, beginning with my parents. The first time I realized I had this, \u201chidden talent\u201d, if you will, was after visiting my biological father a few times. You know, the visits the court forces on everyone until you realize you were never wanted there in the first place. He was the king of telling me what I wanted to hear and then never following through. Mother was a bit more of a realist, but she was a good liar too. She manipulated things to her benefit. After all, she was a criminal justice major. They say children are like sponges, so it won\u2019t surprise you one bit to learn that I became a great liar too; Academy Award winning performances actually. I prefer the term \u2018actress\u2019 over \u2018liar\u2019. And if there is one thing that being a good actress will teach you, it is learning how to spot that same insincerity, betrayal and dishonesty in other people. During that time in my life, I was surrounded by it. I experienced firsthand, the law of attraction hard at work. In time, with a lot of intentionality and some help from the Lord, I learned how to live in my truths. However, being an ethical person all of a sudden doesn’t rid you of being able to smell bullshit from a mile away. In fact, my sniffer only got stronger, and continues to do so. I guess depending on your perspective, it can be a blessing or a curse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During my time as a Realtor, I worked with various people. I listened as they fed me lines about their income, employment and familial status. Almost always, embedded in the initial version of their story were half-truths or outright lies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: \u201cYou have a lovely home.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sellers: \u201cMy wife and I are so happy here. We are so sad to leave this beautiful place behind. Everyone is just so neighborly. If it wasn\u2019t for my job, we would stay another twenty years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The truth: My wife and I are miserable here. To be honest, we are miserable together. We are getting a divorce and have been court ordered to sell this enormous box filled with all of her mother\u2019s hideous antique furniture we inherited. I\u2019m not changing jobs. She\u2019s going to use the money from the house to move in with Arturo, the Tompkin\u2019s handyman, who she swears is a day trader she met out one night with the girls. What she doesn\u2019t know is that I hired him just last year to fix a loose banister in this very house. He is definitely not a day trader. He drives a Ford Focus. Joke\u2019s on her! Oh, and the Lafayette\u2019s next door, they have 17 people living in that house. Squatters, I tell you! They aren\u2019t even paying taxes. The Boyle\u2019s, across the street, they throw parties every weekend with a full band that goes until well past the noise ordinance. I haven\u2019t slept with the windows open in God knows how long. Would you believe they never invite us? And don\u2019t get me started on the Holland\u2019s. They let their dog, Kitty, shit in our yard every morning and never pick it up. Who names their dog Kitty, anyway? But yeah, such a great place to raise a family.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: \u201cSo tell me a little bit about what you\u2019re looking for in your next home?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Buyers: \u201cWe need at least 3500 square feet, four bedrooms with a fifth room that could be an office or a guest bedroom, at least three full bathrooms, a three-car garage, 2+ acres, you know for privacy, a pool would be nice but not a deal breaker.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: \u201cAnything else?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Buyers: \u201cNo. Well\u2026 uh, we\u2019re not all that handy, so it should definitely be turnkey. Painting is about the only thing we can handle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: \u201cOk. That sounds like a lovely home you\u2019ve pictured for your family. I\u2019m going to start looking at inventory that might fit what you\u2019re looking for. Are you pre-approved yet or have you spoken to a lender?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Buyers: \u201cNo, but we make plenty<\/em> of money between the two of us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: \u201cOf course you do. I have some professionals I can recommend unless you have someone in mind already.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Buyer: \u201cOk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 24 hours later\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Phone call from an unknown number: \u201cHi. This is Larry Lender with welendmoneytoalmostanybody.com. I\u2019m calling about your buyers Tootie and Fruitie. Yeah, so, uh, unfortunately I am unable to issue them a pre-approval.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: Oh no! If you don\u2019t mind sharing, what is the reason? Is it something that can be easily fixed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Random Lender: Well, Tootie works per diem and has only worked for her current employer for five days. Six days ago, Tootie was working at a different company, but for just ten hours per week. And Fruitie works full time but gets paid $12 per hour on the books, and the rest in cash. Credit scores are in the high 400\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: Is there any good news?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Random Lender: They have $750,000 in savings, but\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: Woohoo! Now that I can work with! Yessss, cash sale! Whoop there it\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Random Lender: Excuse me, sorry to interrupt the party. You didn\u2019t let me finish. Their savings is in an old Ellio\u2019s pizza box in their freezer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Me: Of course it is\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n My point? People rarely give the full, unadulterated rendition up front, but my sixth sense is always hard at work, sniffing out the gaps. It\u2019s in both the body language and the verbal language. It could be a word choice or a stutter. It\u2019s in the eyes. It\u2019s in the amount of time they spend on a particular subject. Are they talking very fast? Or is my brain screaming, “Land your plane!” Does their communication style change with the topic? Is their breathing labored? What is their conversational tone? Do they say “like” a lot or use hand gestures? This is the silent art of people reading. So often, it is something felt in the energy they carry. I am sure you\u2019ve heard of vibrations or aura. These are just fancy words for the hum of a person\u2019s soul. We are all living, breathing beings, whose emotions and character can be transmitted through an invisible current. You just simply have to pay attention and be present with people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Meeting someone for the first time is a tango of tongues, and I don\u2019t mean that in the French kiss kind of way. I mean it in that communication with someone new is a lot like freestyle dancing. The beat hits and your body just starts moving. Maybe you\u2019ve had formal training, maybe you haven\u2019t. It\u2019s possible that somehow you look like you know what you\u2019re doing and it\u2019s also possible that you look like Elaine from Seinfeld. Either way, that first communication can be easy and smooth, or it can be awkward and forced. During my first ten with anyone, my BS detector is on high alert. I am looking for any signs of deception or discomfort. I am looking for radical behavior and silent reservation. I am making a mental count of your ums, uhs, and cuss words. I am listening, not only to you, but I am also listening to my body for clues on how it wants to respond. Am I intently hanging on every word? Do I want to ask questions? Is my mind wandering? Do I feel myself wanting to get closer or am I subconsciously backing away? Am I fidgeting with my hands, clothes, hair? I am also registering if you look like you take care of yourself and if there are any indications that you might need help. I am also deducing your level of intelligence, your DISC personality traits and looking to see if you are analyzing me too. All the answers to these questions come flying back at me like a boomerang and suddenly my BS detector, while I’m still computing, starts to influence my reaction and response. Around minutes 6 through 8 is when I\u2019m either strategically finding my way out of the conversation or doubling down to find out if you\u2019re here for a reason or a season. Finally, minutes 9 and 10 are spent on pleasantries; I\u2019m either saying goodbye or in the rarer case, making plans to talk again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Being a bloodhound with people has its benefits. It prevents wasting precious time and energy on soul sucking humans, helps to avoid dangerous situations, and as a parent now I can use it on my kids. Aren\u2019t they so lucky! The downside is that I\u2019m only human and make mistakes. Sometimes I detect things that are surface level and perhaps not a part of the person\u2019s overall character. You must build in a margin of error for bad days, “shark week”, and sheer exhaustion that prevents you from socializing like a proper human. There are times I let my own judgement or bias get in the way of listening to my intuition and I have even been known to override a red flag. Shocker, I know. All the warning signs were there: white fangs, allergic to sunlight and couldn\u2019t pronounce a \u201cW\u201d sound. Yet here I am offering up my neck. And that\u2019s on you sister. So, while I like to think my BS detector is a special gift, it is not fool proof. I think it is completely possible that I may have even written some really good people off and that is a damn shame. However, it is not realistic to think that you are going to have a deep, meaningful connection with everyone you meet anyway. So, while I might have missed out on some really awesome relationships because of a malfunction, I like to think that my BS detector is part Holy Spirit, and therefore there remains a larger reason for why we only had ten minutes. So, to the people that are in my world, maybe unbeknownst to you, you already passed my BS detector, and you are exactly where you were meant to be. Rest in that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Carl Jung\u2019s theory, my BS detector could just be the dormant wisdom of the collective unconscious, and that makes some sense in that I can\u2019t always explain why I have a thought or feeling about someone. This suggests that what I am drawing on in those moments of BS detection, is beyond conscious reasoning. I happen to think it is more so the culmination of all my conscious experiences with people, guiding me toward authenticity and away from insincerity. It is my personal collection of the behaviors, patterns, and communication styles of people that I have once admired or those who I have despised. You too can start building your own collection through your interactions with people and learn how to fine tune your own BS detector. All you have to do is pay attention. Be present. If something feels off, it probably is. The hair on the back of your neck serves no purpose other than to alert you to the premonitions within this unofficial 79th<\/sup> organ. And for Pete\u2019s sake, be genuine in your interactions with people. We aren\u2019t all meant to orbit in the same space. If you don\u2019t hit it off with someone, move on. Don’t force it. If you’re being your truest self, no one can take that from you; But if you’re not, get ready for someone to call bullshit!<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Gut instinct, sixth sense, intuition, a hunch\u2026 we all have it. Honing it is another story. For me, this has been many years in the making, through encounters with thousands of people, beginning with my parents. 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The Downside<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Inherent or Learned?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n