Whether you believe that God created man or that man evolved from a T-rex, humans are changing, growing and transforming into a new version of themselves all the time. It’s what we do. Physically, we mature, we age, we wrinkle, we sag. We take on new styles over the years. Mentally, we develop and deepen our emotions, we form opinions and attitudes about certain subjects, and our morals and values take root. Enter stage left, the almighty power of influence. The definition of the word itself is terrifying. [Influence (n.) The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself.] I say terrifying because it’s crazy to think that I can be changed by someone or something without necessarily making a decision or giving consent to do so. Like osmosis, it just sort of permeates our weakest layer and then challenges what we thought we knew about ourselves. There is even a title for someone who gets paid to collect people, a.k.a. followers, who will regularly watch how they speak, act, dress and shop. They call them “influencers”. The idea is, the more you watch the influencer, the more you start to pick up their mannerisms, their style, their habits and then the potential exists for you to even begin to adopt their opinions and ideals. With so much influence injected through the things we watch and listen to, the rate at which we are changing is at an all time high.
Influence can impact us positively or negatively and sometimes without us even knowing. It’s not always some big earth shattering moment that you and everyone around you can see. It’s usually a subtle shift that happens over time. With such quick shots of influence through social media, we don’t have a moment to pause and think before we’re on to the next video and down some rabbit hole. If you follow any influencer closely enough, you could find yourself making decisions that could change your life’s course, forever. Now I realize that sounds dramatic and I know full well that sometimes what we watch, is purely for entertainment. We aren’t necessarily watching a video clip with the intention of adopting someone’s personality or worldly views, but it happens. We are all influenced by something or someone at some point. Whether it be from a TV show, an advertisement or a New York Times Best Seller we read, there is influence all around us. Aside from media and publications, there is always someone we look to, whether it’s a family member, a teacher, a Pastor, a friend or even a celebrity figure or athlete. You (yes YOU), may have even influenced someone without even realizing it. I absolutely have mentors and figures in my life that I look to and draw on from time to time. As well, I must admit that I keep my eye on a few select “influencers” and have stolen an outfit idea or an organizational hack here and there. I would even argue that some of these people have even been helpful or taught me something along the way. I’ve also always been drawn to those who provide motivational nuggets, parenting advice, words of wisdom, a healthy recipe or a good old fashioned “Dad” joke in the middle of a long day. That type of influence brightens my mood and drives my behavior in a positive way. It makes me hold my head up a little higher or makes me want to be a better version of me.
Then there’s the influence that tricks me into thinking my body needs to look a certain way to be considered attractive or the 29-step skincare routine that I have to implement or else my skin stands to look like a shar pei before the age of 45. We see symbols and brands that influence what we think of someone’s status or affluence. Consumer reviews have become a huge influence. Have you ever previewed another guest’s experience on Yelp before deciding to try a new restaurant? I do it all the time, especially before buying, well, pretty much anything. These reviews can make or break someone’s business since consumers now rely so heavily on them.
Now, negative influence is not always bad. It can also have a positive effect if we understand its purpose in our life. A negative influence can show us what we don’t want for our life and in our life. For instance, as the product of teenage parents, I learned from an early age what I didn’t want my future to look like. The negative allowed me to see the positive and bright future I could create for myself that was unlike the one I experienced. Similarly, watching someone with unhealthy eating or exercise habits could influence you to focus more on your own well-being. Same goes for being around an addict. A negative experience in a work environment could propel you into entrepreneurship. Seeing someone in need could inspire you to get involved in a specific cause. A travel reel could turn you on to a new country and culture.
Unless you’re living under a rock, it is impossible to not find yourself being influenced these days. So if we can’t stop it, the question becomes, how do we control it? How do we filter out the influence that could harm us and let in more of the influence that is going to help us? First, surround yourself with good quality people. These are actual, in person relationships. People you talk to, but also see just as often. “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” a quote I know I’ve re-quoted a thousand times before, attributed most commonly to motivational speaker Jim Rohn. These people should be those who lift you up, not put you down. They should be supportive and accepting of where you’re at but also want to be a part of where you’re headed. You should see qualities in them you’d like to emulate. Perhaps there are areas of your life you’d like to work on that they seemingly have “figured out”. These should be people with an abundance mindset, willing to give advice, never taking away from your successes but cheering you on from the sidelines. At least one of your five should be brutally honest at all costs and call you out when you’re being an A-hole. This person will also teach you how to accept criticism with grace. This person is the one who keeps you in check when you’re taking in bad influence. If you’re lucky enough, you might have more than one of these in your top five.
The second thing I do to keep influence in check is talk to myself. Yes! Talk. To. Myself. Ain’t no shame in my game! I use positive self-talk and I use it everyday. Not only do I pick an affirmation every thirty days and write it twenty-five times each day, but I also look at myself in the mirror and proclaim that affirmation out loud. I tell myself I am proud of who I am today and then I acknowledge that I am not done yet. I accept my flaws, my short-comings and my missteps because they are the ways in which I learn how I can be better. Instead of putting yourself down, use words, both written and audible to speak truth and light into your mind. We must be consistently asking ourselves, “Am I becoming a better version of myself or am I losing a piece of my core to be more like something I am not?” You must remind yourself of who you are so that when the wrong type of influence threatens to change you, you are secure enough to stand tall in the storm.
Bottom line, influence inspires change. We can only hope that it’s for the better. Change can be scary, but change is necessary. We let people we don’t even know in a reel or on a podcast influence us, yet we allow fear to prevent us from taking a leap of faith or from making a needed change. So many wonderful things have happened to me on the other side of “Yes”. Sometimes I look back and wonder “what if” I didn’t put one foot in front of the other when it came time to make some of those really tough decisions; Decisions that I knew were ultimately going to change the entire trajectory of my life. So if I can influence you to do something today, it would be to go on that job interview, leave that abusive relationship or start training for that marathon. Sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone to realize what you thought was your ceiling is really just your floor.