The holidays are upon us and the National Retail Federation’s forecast anticipates that holiday sales will grow between 6% and 8% over 2021 to between $942.6 billion and $960.4 billion in gift exchanging. It’s proven that people prefer to give gifts than to receive them. According to a survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Minted, 68 percent of Americans are more excited to give gifts than they are to open them. I think in general, receiving gifts makes us feel uncomfortable. So much pressure and anxiety. How do you act? What do you say? What if it’s a horrible gift? Or a very generous and thoughtful gift? What if you didn’t get a gift for the person who’s gifting you? Or perhaps your gift just doesn’t measure up once you’ve seen what you’ve been gifted?
When I was a child I remember receiving some pretty awesome gifts and I also remember receiving awful gifts that left me thinking my parents, well, they just “don’t get me”. I wonder now as a parent myself if my children will have similar memories to share once they reach adulthood. When they get older I am going to make a point of asking the question, “What was the best and worst gift you ever received?” And if you’re a parent with adult children now, make that a topic of conversation around your dinner table this holiday season. I am always shocked to hear about the gifts that truly made a lasting impression. At this point, I’ve watched my kids open plenty of gifts to know when I’ve done a good job and when I’ve missed the mark. But it’s not about the actual gift so much as it’s the reaction that gets me. I give gifts not just because giving warms my heart, but more so to experience the reaction of the recipient. I love seeing someone’s face light up, their eyes twinkling, a smile that forces dimples to appear where there were none, the flush that comes across their face; Or by gosh, if my gift giving provokes tears, that is the ultimate. Like holding your newborn baby for the first time vibes. Kids have the most authentic reactions. They haven’t figured out how to lie to protect someone else’s feelings yet or how to feign excitement. If they love it, you know. If they hate it, you also know. Watching them love it, now that’s always the ultimate goal. I spend months scribbling down lists of ideas for everyone in my family thinking that by the time the holidays roll around, they have all forgotten the things they said they wanted in passing, that I took note of. Sometimes this works in my favor because it creates the optimal conditions for that element of shock and awe and offers the greatest potential for water works. Other times, it backfires. Either too much time has passed and the gift has already been bought by other means or the thing they wanted in July is now simply out of style. Regardless of what the case might be, you know where you stand with your kids and your gift selections. Worst case scenario, you utilize the return policy, replace the gift with a gift card and vow to do better next year. No one loses.
Receiving gifts as an adult though, that is my least favorite thing to do. Sitting there under everyone’s watchful eye, slowly unwrapping the candy cane printed paper, trying not to look too eager. All the while you’re thinking, there is still a chance this could be something I really wanted, something trendy, stylish, chic; Something that screams “Brandi!” Orrrrr… it could just be a mug. As you continue to unwrap, you’re contemplating your facial expression, still unsure if this was carefully selected or a leftover from someone’s gift closet. And yes, a gift closet is a real thing. Apparently there are people out there that have a spare closet in their house dedicated to things they have been gifted that they will never use. Add to that, toys that their kids were gifted but never opened and things that they purchased on sale that they knew they would never use themselves but thought would make a “great gift” for someone else. Whether it’s an awesome gift, a terrible gift or a regifted gift, the moment you have officially unwrapped and now laid eyes on either the beauty or the beast, it’s all about you. I’ll be honest folks, sometimes I wish I still had the unfiltered authenticity of a child and didn’t have to put on a show. I think two things would have happened. One, that might have eliminated a lot of the crap I’ve collected over the years and two, no one would ever want to gift me jack in the future. But telling someone their gift sucks seems so hurtful and unappreciative. So we graciously accept it, maybe even go so far as to tell a white lie to go along with your acceptance speech. According to CensusWide 46% of people have lied about liking a gift. “I’m going to use this mug every day to drink my morning coffee” or “These Santa socks are going to go so well with that red sweater I just bought from Anthropologie.” Nope, no you will not use that Christmas tree mug because A) it’s not dishwasher safe and B) you are stuck rotating the same five “#1 Mom” mugs until your kids have kids. Then starts your “Best Grammy Ever” collection. The only time I drink out of a “normal” looking mug is when I’m on vacation and even then it’s most likely stamped with my destination and a picture of a flip flop or a seashell. The Santa socks on the other hand, you save. You don’t know why you save them but you do. Even though they are hideous, you will never wear them and they just take up space in your sock drawer. Those Santa socks are my motivation to have a gift closet when I grow up.
Have you ever been given a gift that was so over the top? Or so unbelievably generous that you felt awkward just accepting it? Maybe you feel embarrassed that you didn’t buy that person an equally as expensive or exciting gift or perhaps you didn’t buy a gift for that person at all. Now you feel obligated and anxious instead of just enjoying the moment and exercising a bit of gratitude that someone thought enough of you to give such a stellar offering. For some, receiving touches a vulnerable part of ourselves. I suppose there are plenty of people out there that have grown to expect fancy gifts and believe they deserve them, but their acceptance speech looks far different than mine. When I am in a posture of receiving I feel my cheeks immediately get hot. Actually my whole body gets this warming sensation that peaks at the tips of my ears. My heart starts to beat rapidly. It’s so pronounced I can feel it in my thumbs. I muster up a lack luster “Thank you so much” but only because I can’t, in that moment, think of anything more profound. I try, but I am also trying to remind myself to breathe. I find that under stressful circumstances I just naturally hold my breath. My teeth clench. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until the attention is off of me and I have the space and time to process. By then the moment has passed and the gift giver probably thinks I either hated the gift or… I hated the gift. In reality, I loved the gift. It was the best damn gift anyone has ever gifted, but saying that out loud sounds overstated. I don’t want to come off pretentious or narcissistic, but guess what? These extravagant gift givers, they want to know how much you love their gift. They want their thoughtfulness acknowledged and even praised. They want to win the award for Best Gifter. They want you to tell other people how great of a gift you received and who gave it to you. Go on! Put yourself in that gifters shoes and surrender yourself to the feeling of goodness. Remind yourself you are worthy of special things. As we end the year and you find yourself getting ready for all of those holiday parties, I want you to look yourself in the mirror and say “I love to receive gifts and I am grateful for each and every one”. Whether it’s your sixth #1 Mom mug, a cruise to Bora Bora, Santa socks or Beyonce concert tickets, just be present with your presents.