With Christmas behind us, most of us spend the week leading up to the new year eating leftovers, returning presents that didn’t work out and spending gift cards at the mall. The closer we get, the more we start to consider the challenges and triumphs from the past year and the hopes and dreams we have for a new beginning. As much as we all likely wish we could just countdown to midnight and have some radical change happen, it’s never that easy. Many resolve to change physical or material things and there is nothing wrong with that. You should want to eat healthier, spend wiser and stop smoking. However, you’ve all heard the age old saying “change starts from within”. The new year for me has become less about the tangible resolution and more about the opportunity to re-ignite my soul. The rediscovery of what I’m passionate about. So instead of stressing out about what to give up or what to do differently, I spend some time in self-reflection to figure out my offensive play for the coming year.
What went well for me this past year?
I always start off with a positive meditation because there was definitely more good than bad over the last 365 days. Plus, what’s the point in beating yourself up right out of the gate. This isn’t a pity party. Each year we are given this great gift. The gift is the ability to start over, to reinvent ourselves, to spend the next 365 days being less of the things we don’t like about ourselves and more like the things we envision our cooler self to be. This past year I spent a lot of time deepening my faith. Now I realize religion is a taboo subject but I can assure you that when I say the words “deepening my faith”, there is so much more beyond the obvious literal meaning as it relates to my Christian faith. You see, I deepened faith in myself, faith in my relationship, my family and in my community. Faith in myself is something I’m always working on. We all have insecurities or areas in life where we lack confidence. It is recognizing those parts within us and then not only looking up, but looking inward and trusting that you already have everything you need to overcome it all. Faith in my relationship goes hand in hand with faith in myself because when you have a supportive, loving partner who believes in you more than you believe in yourself, those insecurities tend to fall away on their own. But you have to trust. You have to trust that someone else has your back. You have to trust that they see you and want what’s best for you even if it’s not what you think is best for you. Trusting even when it hurts to hear the truth. It’s hard for me to put absolute trust in someone. I have always had this fear of being let down or feeling out of control. I have to make a choice everyday to actively deepen my faith in Kris, and that will continue everyday into 2023. The faith in my family and in my community is collective and can be used interchangeably. Since the actual family I was born into is a complicated situation, I spent the year looking to my community for emotional and spiritual support. This was a huge deal because most of my life I spent dwelling on the fact that I didn’t have that traditional familial support group. This year I decided to seek it. I knew what kind of inspiration and motivation I needed and intentionally sought out people who I could lean on and when they reciprocated, instead of saying no, I said yes. I said yes to every phone call, every lunch date, every invitation. This lead to so many meaningful relationships. The best part is that these family-like figures ended up having many of the qualities that I want to see in my future self. And they say the people you spend the most time with shape who you are. I’ll take more of that please!
What didn’t go well?
I am certain that you can spend an entire day picking apart everything over the last year that didn’t go well for you. Every bad hair day, every appointment you were late to, and every fight you had with your bestie over who wore it better. Let’s put aside the petty nonsense for a minute and focus only on the things that are critical to your core. For me, I over extend myself. I just said it, literally 60 seconds ago that I say yes to everything. And while yes brings a lot of opportunity and experiences I would have not had otherwise, I also need to be OK with saying “no”. I often say yes to things because I feel bad saying no. Or when I don’t want to let somebody down. But in retrospect, many of these engagements that I said yes to ended up being time and energy sucks that never fill my own cup up. And if you’re a giver, like me, and you don’t take care of your cup, one day you wake up with an empty one with nothing left to give and do you know how long it takes to replenish that cup? A stupid long time! We only have 24 hours in the day, 6-8 of those we are typically asleep, which knocks us down to roughly 17 hours. Take away time spent for work, parenting, and meals, all things most of us have to do to survive and help others survive, that doesn’t leave a whole lot of “free” time or “me” time. Hence why I have decided to practice the word “no” in 2023. If it doesn’t make me better or make me happy, I’ve got to give it the ol’ heave-ho. (Somehow I think I may require an accountability partner for this one.)
What do you want more or less of?
If you’ve been following along with me and have done your own self-reflection, your answer to this question should be the sum of the last two questions. I’d like more meaningful relationships. Less wasted time. More trust in myself and my decisions. Less fear. More nos and less yeses. More inspiration. Less people pleasing. More intentionality. Less doubt. 2023 for me will be a year of getting back to basics. Sometimes you need to strip it all away to build it back up again. Like Penn Station in NYC or the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo; there’s no denying the originals were beautiful and iconic, but their demolition made way for beautifully reimagined architecture within the confines of the same space.
To improve your success in getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t, ask someone who you love and trust to give you their perspective on your year in reflection. Make sure whoever you pick is someone who will be honest with you. White liars or boot lickers will not help you grow. But you also have to be ready to receive what your trusted advisor says with an open heart. Don’t be too hard on them (or yourself). Receive, resonate and then release. Every year I also go through the “One Word” process. If you have never heard of “One Word” then I’m going to give you some homework. This powerful concept is conceptually laid out so simplistically in the book “One Word that Will Change Your Life” by Authors Jimmy Page, Dan Britton and Jon Gordon. In 49 minutes you can read and get started on summoning your One Word for the new year. Do it. You’ll find it’s far more powerful to live out one word versus making a resolution to power walk a mile three times a week, to stop swiping left on bald guys, or to cut out gluten when you’re Italian and it’s literally part of your DNA. At this point you know that those types of changes are often temporary and once we fall off, all we are left with are feelings of failure and disappointment. Resolution is just the noun form of the verb resolve. Resolving something implies there is a problem or conflict in need of a solution. Instead of thinking there is something wrong with you that needs fixing, make a promise to yourself. Promise that you’ll seriously consider what went well and where you came up short. Promise to do more of what you love and less of that which robs you of your happiness. And then countdown to midnight with your loved ones and promise them that in 2023 you will be beautifully reimagined. Happy New Year, friends!